Doing Battle With Discouragement

September 18, 2014 Carrie Doubts

I want to write today about courage. And, to be honest, I’m writing about this today as a way to deal with the feelings of discouragement that I’ve been experiencing lately.

Am I really going to admit here that I have been feeling discouraged? Yep. Here’s why. I think it’s very important to own up to the fact that I’m human and my struggle looks VERY much like the struggles I help my clients work through. Different sub-plots, but it’s essentially the same story and my work is to let go of my story and get out of “victim” mode as quickly as I can.

Dealing With Stuff: Part 2 - Sorting & Purging

August 6, 2014 Carrie Doubts

Once you have already done the first step of the process, which is collecting the stuff, you’re ready for Part 2. For more information on the collecting phase of dealing with stuff, please click here.

I hope you’ve given yourself some time to reflect on your partner’s belongings, and what they mean to you. I know it may seem daunting to say goodbye to the stuff, to turn the page on this chapter of your life, particularly when so many of the things hold a story or memory for you.

In doing the reflections of the earlier phase of collecting – examining the questions, “What does it mean to let go of this stuff?” and “What is this stuff’s value to me?” – you created the space to get ready for the next phase of sorting and purging the items you have decided to let go of. Well done.

And it bears repeating that you, and only you, are the one who gets to decide when the time is right for you to go on to this next phase – sorting and purging.

Endings...Sailing to the Edge of the Earth

May 28, 2014 Carrie Doubts

I want to talk about endings today. This is a topic that either nobody wants to talk about or that people just can’t shut up about. We’ve all experienced them. Your relationship ends in separation, the job you quit (or got fired from), your daughter moves out to go to college (or move in with her boyfriend, or both), the move cross-country to a place you’d never been – you know what I’m talking about because you’ve been there.

In this world, all things come to an end. Endings are usually seen as unpleasant, as bad, and we’re generally very upset about them. What I see a lot of in my coaching practice are the most devastating types of endings – the ones we don’t choose ourselves – the death of a spouse or child, the divorce we didn’t see coming, getting fired/laid off, the debilitating illness that threatens to take everything away.

The Energy Levels of Grief

April 13, 2014 Carrie Doubts

It’s been reported that it takes people 5-8 years, on average, to recover from a devastating loss.

Dealing with loss leaves you vulnerable to developing depression or anxiety disorders, or increasing dependency on drugs or alcohol as a means to cope. These more serious conditions often lead people to seek treatment from a therapist or counselor, and there are many, many excellent, dedicated professionals to which you can turn to get the help you need if that is what you are going through.

However, most of the people I speak with about their loss are experiencing the normal, natural responses to loss – and that is grief.

Forgiveness: the Gateway to Freedom

January 30, 2014 Carrie Doubts

It’s well known that human beings get very angry and upset when they are deeply hurt. Anger, resentment, bitterness, regret – these are emotional reactions that are very common. You may be feeling angry at others – your partner for leaving you, family, friends, institutions like hospitals or insurance companies, even at God. You also may be dealing with anger at yourself for things you did, or things you didn’t do. At the root of the anger is the belief that things happened that “should” not have happened.

Navigating Through Emotional Storms

November 21, 2013 Carrie Doubts

We all have our emotional ups and downs – highs and lows, peaks and valleys. And, when you are dealing with loss and grief, it seems like you get to spend a lot of time in the valleys. Not everyone experiences anger as part of their grieving processes, but many do, and part of what is distressing is that your anger can come out of nowhere when you least expect it. It can be upsetting to feel anger towards yourself, the person who left, the doctors, the courts, at God even. Know that anger is a normal and understandable emotion at this time, because of the extreme stress you are dealing with.

Underneath it all is pain and a sense of a loss of control. Nothing is as it should be. It’s as though a typhoon has blown through your consciousness and you know your life will never be the same again. You didn’t ask for this.

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Mar 22, 2024

Joy Rising

Mar 22, 2024

Joy is my true nature. It is the Soul’s currency. It’s just easy to lose sight of the joy that I am when it’s been blanketed in heavy snow for so long during the winter of grief. But, like the crocus will break through in spring, I trust that it is inevitable that joy will also rise from the depths. You can’t keep joy down forever.

Mar 22, 2024

Jul 5, 2022

Grief Is Not a Problem to be solved

Jul 5, 2022

Grief is not a problem to be solved. It is a message that wants our attention.

Jul 5, 2022

Aug 7, 2020

Divorce - A Hero's Journey

Aug 7, 2020

The Hero’s Journey is the path that heroes take as part of their development from immaturity and potential to the embodiment of mastery and freedom. It’s a transformational process.

Because of this divorce, you are on your own Hero’s journey, your own process of transformation.

Aug 7, 2020

Apr 27, 2020

In Sickness and in Health

Apr 27, 2020

This little phrase that’s tucked into wedding vows carries little meaning when you are young and standing in front of the officiant with your beloved. And yet, it’s a solemn promise to love and support your spouse, no matter what.

Apr 27, 2020

Sep 30, 2019

Anger - the Most Unloved Emotion

Sep 30, 2019

Anger is an emotion that has a lot of bad press. Most often what we experience is people inflicting their anger onto others. When you’re angry, it’s easy to lash out on your loved ones and those who least deserve it.

Because of its destructive potential, many people are afraid of anger. When this is the case, anger is often denied and left unexpressed.

Sep 30, 2019

Sep 3, 2019

Grieving the Loss of a Pet

Sep 3, 2019

An Elegy written for the passing of my beloved Cotton

Sep 3, 2019

Feb 20, 2019

She Has a Name - A Love Letter Written in the Midst of Divorce

Feb 20, 2019

I never thought I would be divorced. Marriage was for life. Or so I thought. Or so we thought. It was a holy expectation, a deep commitment to the lifelong. Through better and worse. Through the drama and mundane of life. We made vows before God and family and friends. We uttered them meaningfully.

Feb 20, 2019

Jul 17, 2018

What's Love Got To Do With It?

Jul 17, 2018

I’ve been studying Love lately. Both how it relates to me personally and to my work as a coach. I work with people who are going through a dark time in their lives – what was once their joy (a loving intimate relationship) is now their deepest despair. In exploring their loss and pain, the question inevitably comes to love: “How will I ever feel safe to love again?”

Jul 17, 2018

Nov 13, 2017

Divorce Grief: What Is It and What Can You Do About It?

Nov 13, 2017

Divorce is one of the most deeply painful experiences you can go through in your life. This is true if you were the one left behind or if you decided to end the marriage. Even if the end was a long time coming, and somewhat inevitable, what often surprises people is how heartbroken they feel when the end actually comes.

Divorce is a death – the death of your marriage and all the hopes and dreams you had of “happily ever after.” With the death of your marriage comes a whole host of secondary losses. Grief comes knocking at your door, insisting to be let in whether you want to or not.

Nov 13, 2017

Aug 21, 2017

Are You Chasing the Unicorn of Work/Life Balance?

Aug 21, 2017

It’s 9:30 pm. You got home at a reasonable time and rustled up a decent dinner. You’ve got the kids fed, teeth brushed, homework discussed, and they are tucked into bed. You climb into bed with your partner (who has that special look in their eye that you meet with that, “Don’t even go there” look of your own), you are balancing a glass of wine on one knee, your laptop on the other (answering work email), and the TV is on Real Housewives of Wherever.

This is what you call “me” time.

You congratulate yourself for checking all the important boxes for the day. Took care of the boss. Check. Handled the needs of your direct reports. Check. Kids. Check. Your partner. Check minus. Looming deadlines, client’s never-ending requests for “just one more thing,” responding supportively to your BFF's 17 text messages to rant about her divorce. Check. Check. Check. You’re awesome. You’ve got this.

And, as you are multitasking your way through the finish line of your day, you know you need this last hour to decompress before you lay your head down to sleep and get up tomorrow to do it over again. You’re doing an impressive job of fitting it all in.

You are so there for everyone and everything that is important to you.

Aug 21, 2017

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