I’ve been studying Love lately. Both how it relates to me personally and to my work as a coach. I work with people who are going through a dark time in their lives – what was once their joy (a loving intimate relationship) is now their deepest despair. In exploring their loss and pain, the question inevitably comes to love: “How will I ever feel safe to love again?”Read More
Once you have already done the first step of the process, which is collecting the stuff, you’re ready for Part 2. For more information on the collecting phase of dealing with stuff, please click here.
I hope you’ve given yourself some time to reflect on your partner’s belongings, and what they mean to you. I know it may seem daunting to say goodbye to the stuff, to turn the page on this chapter of your life, particularly when so many of the things hold a story or memory for you.
In doing the reflections of the earlier phase of collecting – examining the questions, “What does it mean to let go of this stuff?” and “What is this stuff’s value to me?” – you created the space to get ready for the next phase of sorting and purging the items you have decided to let go of. Well done.
And it bears repeating that you, and only you, are the one who gets to decide when the time is right for you to go on to this next phase – sorting and purging.Read More
Stuff. Things. Possessions. Here you are living with it. It was his/her stuff. Clothes, papers, toiletries, books, etc. In the midst of everything you’ve dealt with in grieving the loss of your partner, it’s another everyday reminder that they are gone. The books they will not be finishing, shoes they won’t wear anymore, the subscription to the magazine related to their hobby or career, woodworking tools they will never hold again. You trip over it every time you walk through the garage to take out the garbage, paw around it to find what you need when you open the closet. It sits there, sometimes comforting you, sometimes chastising you, often overwhelming you. You close the door, turn a blind eye to it. “I’ll deal with this stuff when I’m ready,” you tell yourself.Read More
I want to talk about endings today. This is a topic that either nobody wants to talk about or that people just can’t shut up about. We’ve all experienced them. Your relationship ends in separation, the job you quit (or got fired from), your daughter moves out to go to college (or move in with her boyfriend, or both), the move cross-country to a place you’d never been – you know what I’m talking about because you’ve been there.
In this world, all things come to an end. Endings are usually seen as unpleasant, as bad, and we’re generally very upset about them. What I see a lot of in my coaching practice are the most devastating types of endings – the ones we don’t choose ourselves – the death of a spouse or child, the divorce we didn’t see coming, getting fired/laid off, the debilitating illness that threatens to take everything away.Read More
I often hear people saying that they “have to” do something. What do you think that means in terms of the energy level that is being expressed? They are probably viewing the situation from the perspective of low energy or even apathy. “I have to go to work,” means that you think you have no other choice but to go to work. This is self-oppression at a very subtle yet insidious form.