Divorce Grief: What Is It and What Can You Do About It?

November 13, 2017 Carrie Doubts

Divorce is one of the most deeply painful experiences you can go through in your life. This is true if you were the one left behind or if you decided to end the marriage. Even if the end was a long time coming, and somewhat inevitable, what often surprises people is how heartbroken they feel when the end actually comes.

Divorce is a death – the death of your marriage and all the hopes and dreams you had of “happily ever after.” With the death of your marriage comes a whole host of secondary losses. Grief comes knocking at your door, insisting to be let in whether you want to or not.

Grief...It's Complicated Sometimes

March 31, 2016 Carrie Doubts

We all like to be reassured that we are normal when we are going through something for the first time. Like that rash is a normal response to your eating something you are allergic to. Good to know.

When you are going through a time of grieving, it can be so helpful to know what physical, cognitive, emotional, and behavioral experiences are considered normal. Grief counselors do a lot of work in “normalizing” the experiences of someone in deep grief. You relax when you hear the words, “It’s perfectly understandable that you are feeling/thinking/behaving in this way. It's normal.” Whew.

The Energy Levels of Grief

April 13, 2014 Carrie Doubts

It’s been reported that it takes people 5-8 years, on average, to recover from a devastating loss.

Dealing with loss leaves you vulnerable to developing depression or anxiety disorders, or increasing dependency on drugs or alcohol as a means to cope. These more serious conditions often lead people to seek treatment from a therapist or counselor, and there are many, many excellent, dedicated professionals to which you can turn to get the help you need if that is what you are going through.

However, most of the people I speak with about their loss are experiencing the normal, natural responses to loss – and that is grief.

The Power of Choice

January 1, 2014 Carrie Doubts

I often hear people saying that they “have to” do something. What do you think that means in terms of the energy level that is being expressed? They are probably viewing the situation from the perspective of low energy or even apathy. “I have to go to work,” means that you think you have no other choice but to go to work. This is self-oppression at a very subtle yet insidious form.

Finding Solace Through Writing

October 20, 2013 Carrie Doubts

These are the days of tweeting, blogging, posting, instagraming, you name it. Everyone seems to be doing it. Some people seem very comfortable expressing every morsel of their living and breathing and eating into the world. Not that this isn’t totally fascinating to the one sharing, but most people (including me) don’t care about what you ate for breakfast, who you ate it with, and what you were wearing. However, when someone writes with a raw vulnerability, expressing with exquisite clarity a thought or feeling that I recognize in myself, I tend to sit up and take notice. Truth has a way of getting your attention.

Empathy 101: Five Tips for Supporting People in Grief

June 19, 2013 Carrie Doubts

There are times when I feel I must apologize for my fellow human beings when my clients share what people have said to them or some of the thoughtless ways they have been treated at their time of loss. I believe that people mean well. It’s just that most of us don’t have a very comfortable relationship with strong emotions like grief, anger, or hopelessness. When feelings like this are expressed in our midst, we will tend to gloss over it or try to shut it down entirely.

Learning to tolerate other’s reactions to your grief can be one of the most painful, yet necessary tasks of rebuilding your life after loss.

Notes From the Bottom of the Well of Grief

April 25, 2013 Carrie Doubts

My mom would have been 77 this week. She died 4 months ago, and I find myself at the bottom of the well of grief today – somewhat unexpectedly. But hey, as much as I anticipated that her birthday would bring forward the grief, I learned that you can’t plan for the really heart-rending days in advance.

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Mar 22, 2024

Joy Rising

Mar 22, 2024

Joy is my true nature. It is the Soul’s currency. It’s just easy to lose sight of the joy that I am when it’s been blanketed in heavy snow for so long during the winter of grief. But, like the crocus will break through in spring, I trust that it is inevitable that joy will also rise from the depths. You can’t keep joy down forever.

Mar 22, 2024

Jul 5, 2022

Grief Is Not a Problem to be solved

Jul 5, 2022

Grief is not a problem to be solved. It is a message that wants our attention.

Jul 5, 2022

Aug 7, 2020

Divorce - A Hero's Journey

Aug 7, 2020

The Hero’s Journey is the path that heroes take as part of their development from immaturity and potential to the embodiment of mastery and freedom. It’s a transformational process.

Because of this divorce, you are on your own Hero’s journey, your own process of transformation.

Aug 7, 2020

Apr 27, 2020

In Sickness and in Health

Apr 27, 2020

This little phrase that’s tucked into wedding vows carries little meaning when you are young and standing in front of the officiant with your beloved. And yet, it’s a solemn promise to love and support your spouse, no matter what.

Apr 27, 2020

Sep 30, 2019

Anger - the Most Unloved Emotion

Sep 30, 2019

Anger is an emotion that has a lot of bad press. Most often what we experience is people inflicting their anger onto others. When you’re angry, it’s easy to lash out on your loved ones and those who least deserve it.

Because of its destructive potential, many people are afraid of anger. When this is the case, anger is often denied and left unexpressed.

Sep 30, 2019

Sep 3, 2019

Grieving the Loss of a Pet

Sep 3, 2019

An Elegy written for the passing of my beloved Cotton

Sep 3, 2019

Feb 20, 2019

She Has a Name - A Love Letter Written in the Midst of Divorce

Feb 20, 2019

I never thought I would be divorced. Marriage was for life. Or so I thought. Or so we thought. It was a holy expectation, a deep commitment to the lifelong. Through better and worse. Through the drama and mundane of life. We made vows before God and family and friends. We uttered them meaningfully.

Feb 20, 2019

Jul 17, 2018

What's Love Got To Do With It?

Jul 17, 2018

I’ve been studying Love lately. Both how it relates to me personally and to my work as a coach. I work with people who are going through a dark time in their lives – what was once their joy (a loving intimate relationship) is now their deepest despair. In exploring their loss and pain, the question inevitably comes to love: “How will I ever feel safe to love again?”