I’ve been studying Love lately. Both how it relates to me personally and to my work as a coach. I work with people who are going through a dark time in their lives – what was once their joy (a loving intimate relationship) is now their deepest despair. In exploring their loss and pain, the question inevitably comes to love: “How will I ever feel safe to love again?”Read more
We all experience pressures in our lives. We feel pressured to perform, to conform, to please others. We experience financial pressures, social pressures, career and professional pressures - pressures in relationships, (marriages, partnerships, parenting, etc.). We want to pin the blame for pressure we feel on outer situations, circumstances, and/or people. We think we need to take our power back from these external forces. And, this accurate – when we are experiencing pressure, it’s a signal that we have an opportunity to call our energy and power back to ourselves. We just get confused on how to do that.Read more
Once you have already done the first step of the process, which is collecting the stuff, you’re ready for Part 2. For more information on the collecting phase of dealing with stuff, please click here.
I hope you’ve given yourself some time to reflect on your partner’s belongings, and what they mean to you. I know it may seem daunting to say goodbye to the stuff, to turn the page on this chapter of your life, particularly when so many of the things hold a story or memory for you.
In doing the reflections of the earlier phase of collecting – examining the questions, “What does it mean to let go of this stuff?” and “What is this stuff’s value to me?” – you created the space to get ready for the next phase of sorting and purging the items you have decided to let go of. Well done.
And it bears repeating that you, and only you, are the one who gets to decide when the time is right for you to go on to this next phase – sorting and purging.Read more
Stuff. Things. Possessions. Here you are living with it. It was his/her stuff. Clothes, papers, toiletries, books, etc. In the midst of everything you’ve dealt with in grieving the loss of your partner, it’s another everyday reminder that they are gone. The books they will not be finishing, shoes they won’t wear anymore, the subscription to the magazine related to their hobby or career, woodworking tools they will never hold again. You trip over it every time you walk through the garage to take out the garbage, paw around it to find what you need when you open the closet. It sits there, sometimes comforting you, sometimes chastising you, often overwhelming you. You close the door, turn a blind eye to it. “I’ll deal with this stuff when I’m ready,” you tell yourself.Read more
We all have our emotional ups and downs – highs and lows, peaks and valleys. And, when you are dealing with loss and grief, it seems like you get to spend a lot of time in the valleys. Not everyone experiences anger as part of their grieving processes, but many do, and part of what is distressing is that your anger can come out of nowhere when you least expect it. It can be upsetting to feel anger towards yourself, the person who left, the doctors, the courts, at God even. Know that anger is a normal and understandable emotion at this time, because of the extreme stress you are dealing with.
Underneath it all is pain and a sense of a loss of control. Nothing is as it should be. It’s as though a typhoon has blown through your consciousness and you know your life will never be the same again. You didn’t ask for this.Read more
Loneliness can be dealt with in many ways, and the attitude you have towards yourself and the vulnerability that this feeling produces has a lot to do with how much suffering you will assign to it. What do I mean by that?Read more
I don’t think anyone enjoys the feeling of vulnerability. We don’t like asking for help as we have been conditioned to see that as a sign of weakness. Being judged as “needy” seems to be the ultimate insult as we like to think of ourselves as able to stand on our own two feet, as being self-sufficient. We take up sayings like, “It’s better to be a giver than a receiver.” Giving is an act of a generous heart and it also gives us a sense of control. Receiving can be really uncomfortable as it goes against the rules we have inside. We don’t want to be seen as takers or as victims.Read more
See if this sounds familiar…you wake up exhausted already. Your feet hit the floor and there’s barking at the kids to get ready for school, getting yourself presentable, making breakfast and the kids’ lunches, dashing into the office, working through lunch because you were late, grabbing a candy bar (heck, two) from the vending machine at 2:30, rushing out the door to pick up the kids from school, trying to figure out what kind of dinner you can make out of takeout fried chicken, canned corn, and whatever is moldering in the bottom of the veggie bin...Read more